"True insights come from within"

"True insights come from within" - I was driving home from church just now,and this line just came into my mind, don't know why. Perhaps another level of enlightening? I have no idea - but I learned that when I'm short-tempered, it's alway always good to go away for a while to gain a new perspective, to find faults within myself, to search my own heart, to see where I have gone wrong.

The answers are written all over the place - in the sermon (being disobedient to parents!), in the lunch debate ( personal choice ). I can't even begin to describe how I understand , but somehow I'm more focused now, and my heart and mind definitely cleared so much more . Also thanks to Carol who listened to my grouses until 4.30 this morning - it's so nice being able to tell her what worries me, and what truly truly matters to my heart. It's great to be able to have a friend who listens.

Sometimes, it's so great to just move and wait for answers rather than to think of it until your head cracks. Just why I love Sundays - it's a day of answers!I spent weeks trying to figure out things like acceptance, love, romance, relationships, meaning of life, singlehood, responsibility, obedience to parents, et cetera et cetera et cetera.I can't even begin to tell you how much I learned from the whole incident of meeting a person who is so much older than me -- and his words totally knocked myself off my complacent life. You know about being complacent? You don't even know you're there!!! It's so scary, it's like being led into a big black hole , your life grows darker and darker and then when you're there, you're just there. Already in the dark and being in the dark , something like Matrix. Are you willing to take the blue pill or the red? When someone is offering the truth , we often don't want to hear it because we're so complacent with out lives, our jobs our beliefs our diets our TV programs our fav football club. Any small comment or any passing remard just ticks us off like fireworks and we get so worked up because of a remark passed by soemone who don't even care? Sounds silly, but that is how I lead my life all this while.

I feel I have gone through so much of changes for the past one month or so. My sarcasm was knocked off completely out of me, thanks to a brother who kindly showed me that. And admitting it to myself , and to God, was the hardest thing to do. Sarcasm was the way of life - I was a debater , and sarcasm works to get rid of your opponents the fastest way you want to. Sarcasm was a way to treat people who were nasty to me. Sarcasm made me popular among the university mates - for both good and bad. I was one quick, witty girl who thinks as fast as she speaks. Sarcasm has always always been a way to protect myself from getting hurt , a means to get to know who can take crap out of me and who can't, a way to make friends without getting too serious with them. I always thought it was a great tool. But the tongue is a dangerous tool - in fact it is the most lethal organ in the body. We can lift God with praises of our lips , and we can also curse Man with the same lips. And I have been doing exactly that for the past 22 years of my life. It's a sin, it's a deadly sin. One night I felt so bad, I even asked God to take my voice away from me- so that I could stop sinning. I cried many nights thinking of how hurtful I was to many people around me - those who have both loved and hated me. And I'm truly sorry because I have done so. It's hard to say sorry , and I hope that although I cannot personally say it to them, I hope God will forgive me for these.